Navigating Motherhood While Pregnant

“The third time expecting is a whole new experience. The second was too, though this time is different. It’s bittersweet. It is the last time I will feel my belly swell, the feeling of life growing within my womb. The last time I will birth another soul into this world. This time is a new sort of special. A time to truly savour. A time to surrender and trust. To trust my body in that it knows what to do; it’s been here before. To trust that this soul chose me specifically to guide them on their journey. A time to develop more presence. A time to connect to my body and soul on a deeper level. An ending of one chapter and the beginning of another. This time is different”.

Having been pregnant three times now, I’ve found each pregnancy brings forth new opportunities, new challenges, depth and growth, and love in bounds. One of the biggest struggles I’ve found has been navigating my current and previous pregnancy while having to mother another child/children. That first trimester exhaustion and nausea is no joke. The first-time round was easier. I was only working very part time back then, so I could make my own schedule and rest when I needed to. When you have children already, though, it makes it much more challenging to find that time to rest and care for yourself when those littles demand so much of your time and energy – especially when the older child no longer naps. One of the things I really had to get more comfortable with was asking for help. Luckily, we have a lot of family close by, so have had incredible support. Sometimes asking for help can be hard and bring about a sense of defeat. When I had my firstborn, I thought I could do it all. Well, that didn’t last long… If you have people in your life who are willing to help you, then take all the help you can get. No saying is truer than “it takes a village to raise children”, but it also takes a village to care for a mother. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Find your village. Talk to someone if you’re struggling. There is no shame in asking for help or admitting that you’re having a hard time.

In my pregnancy currently, I feel it’s been easier in some ways and harder in others. With the challenges that come navigating both pregnancy and motherhood, I think there are so many opportunities to really connect within and to allow the space for yourself to blossom. Becoming a mother changes you. No matter how many children you have, each time you evolve. You are not the same person you were before you had kids nor are you the same person you were yesterday. We are constantly changing and evolving into the person we are meant to be. This time I feel such a deeper connection to self. A deeper connection and deeper appreciation of my body and all that it’s capable of. Our children can teach us a lot too about ourselves and the world around us if we’re willing to truly watch and listen. Though many challenging moments may arise, ask yourself, “what can I learn from this experience?”, “what is this chapter or challenge I am moving through trying to teach me?”. For all you readers out there, I highly recommend the book “The Conscious Parent” by Shefali Tsabary. Definitely worth the read for any parent or caregiver wanting to deepen their awareness and understanding.

There are many things that have helped me navigate pregnancy while raising littles, the first and foremost being asking for help. Delegate tasks to your partner to lighten the load. If you have family support, reach out and ask for a break so you can nap, enjoy a shower or bath in peace, or even run errands on your own. Take on small, manageable tasks so you don’t feel overwhelmed. Know that it is OK to let the household chores slide. If you have an older child who no longer naps, encourage quiet time in their room where they can play or read. Mom benefits here as does the child as it allows them to develop more independence and find comfort and safety within themselves and their space. Release guilt for allowing screen time. I get the feeling of being in survival mode some days and overusing screen time. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do to rest or accomplish a task such as getting dinner made. Deep breaths, mama! Adopt a journaling practice – it can be helpful to reflect on how you’re feeling emotionally and physically throughout your pregnancy, as well as release any thoughts that you’re attaching to or worries that are plaguing your mind. You can even start a gratitude journal to reflect on the things you are grateful for in your day such as the sound of your children’s laughter, focusing on the positives in the day rather than the things that maybe didn’t go so well or weren’t as enjoyable. Meditate - there are so many good apps out there nowadays that include free guided meditations and lots that can be found on YouTube as well. There are so many benefits to meditation, especially in pregnancy and for us mothers! Meditation promotes relaxation, enhances focus and concentration, reduces stress and anxiety, improves sleep, and so much more. Move your body – when you are feeling so low energetically, especially in that first trimester, it can be hard to feel motivated to do much of anything, but even taking five minutes at some point in the day to stretch or even get outside for some fresh air and a short walk can drastically elevate your mood, improve digestion, and energize you! One habit that I got in to as well as my children got a bit older and started to sleep in a bit longer, is getting up earlier in the morning to enjoy some time for self as well as a HOT coffee which, as most of you are quite aware I’m sure, is a luxury as a mama. I know this isn’t an option for everyone as each child’s schedule is a bit different and sleep may be more important to you, especially if you’re up with kids in the night. This routine has made a world of a difference for me, though. I feel I am way calmer and more grounded throughout the day and feel much more energized. Of note, I didn’t re-establish this routine until I was in my second trimester as I was way too tired in those early months of pregnancy. I would definitely consider trying this, though, if it’s something that may align with your schedule, even waking half an hour to an hour before your kids usually wake if their schedule is somewhat predictable. Lastly, mantras or words of affirmation can be helpful as well to shift perspective and reframe your mind. When feelings of doubt or defeat creep in, repeat any of the following mantras that resonate with you:

I am a wonderful mother. I was made for this. I am worthy. 

I am doing my best and that is enough. 

I am strong. I am capable. I am enough. 

I am the best mother for my children. They chose me for a reason. 

I love and accept myself wholly and completely. 

*Try creating your own and repeat to yourself often or write them out in your journal.

There’s lots you can do and many tools you can utilize, but just know, it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. We all struggle in our own ways and question our parenting at times. It’s only natural and we are human after all. Being pregnant on top of all of that adds a whole new layer, but just know that those challenging days won’t last forever. It will get easier and you will be OK. Day by day. Breath by breath. You were made for this and so much more. You got this, mama!

On a final note, remember this…

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you are filling your cup before filling others’.  The more you care for and honour yourself and your needs, the more you will be able to give back to your family and show up for your children. The practice of self-love and self-care is not selfish. The more you love and accept yourself, the more you appreciate yourself, you teach your children to love and accept themselves for who they are too. What a gift!