How To Handle Toddler Bedtime Battles
I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of parent that once bedtime is done I fully expect to dive into my kids snack cupboard and watch trash TV without hearing this...
One more hug?
Mommmmmm. I’m hot…
I’m thirsty…
I have to pee…
I can’t find my stuffy…
Guess what I want for my birthday… (my personal fave)
Bedtime battles aren’t always yelling, arguing, or a large amount of tears. Today we’re talking about the calm refusal as I like to call it. The times when, as a parent, you’re not even really sure if it would be classified as a bedtime battle. These are the times that we trick ourselves into believing that “this is just something all kids do.”
While it’s true that most kids go through this phase, how long it lasts is up to you as the parent!
I will say this over and over again: children thrive on structure and routine. When they come to know the routine and know what to expect each night they will succeed!
So what are some small changes that you can make to help eliminate those bedtime battles?
*for today’s topic, I am focussing on children age 3 and older*
Sleep Environment.
I’m pretty sure I sound like a broken record at this point, but that’s just how important sleep environment is! A dark room and white noise are key for this age group to help minimize outside distractions.
Appropriate Schedule.
You are setting yourself up for failure if you expect your 3 year old to go to bed at 9pm without any battles. Same goes if you expect your 6 year old to go to bed at 6:30pm! Neither of these schedules are appropriate and will lead to bedtime resistance.
Bedtime Routine.
Having a 20-30 minute bedtime routine that remains consistent from night to night can help your child smoothly transition from awake time to bed time without a huge fuss. Take note of what your child frequently requests after lights out and aim to include them in your routine!
For example: if they seem to always come out of their room and ask for a glass of water, make sure they receive one at some point before they crawl into bed. Or if they always ask for a hug and a kiss, make sure that’s the last thing you do before leaving their room.
Create Expectations.
Where do you draw the line with the requests? Or do you even have a line..? Children need to know and understand the expectations you have of them so that they can be successful!
Are they allowed to come out of bed once you leave the room? If they have to pee can they go by themselves or do they need to come tell you?
Be Consistent.
This is the hardest thing as parents. Have you ever given in to your child’s requests because it just seemed easier.. Only to be hounded the next night with more requests?! This goes back to creating those expectations. Once your child comes to know and understand what your response will be, the endless requests will diminish.
Now keep in mind that this won’t fix your issues overnight. But with that consistency you will see a HUGE improvement in the way your child handles bedtime. Do you feel like you need a bit more guidance with your toddler? Click here to see how I can help!
Rewards & Consequences
You will often notice that you need to set rules and/or consequences in order for your child to follow the rules and boundaries that come with bedtime. Some children are very intrinsically reward motivated so something like a sticker chart will work well. For example: 5 nights of no bedtime battles = a prize from the prize box. Another suggestion is using a bedtime pass. This allows them to have one bedtime request each night, and once they hand over the physical “ticket” (can choose any item you want) they must remain in bed for the rest of the night. And if the ticket goes unused they can redeem it for a little prize in the morning!
However, some children couldn’t care less about little rewards or are not at the developmental age where this makes sense to them quite yet.
These children may do better with consequences (my children!). For these kiddos you can use consequences such as no park dates the next day (because we’re all too tired!), or you can use consequences in the moment such as taking things away if they do not stay in bed.
My son was a pretty great sleeper, but he went through a phase of battling bedtime with endless requests. I got to the point of threatening to take his beloved pillow away if he didn’t keep his head on it… he never got out of bed again!
BONUS TIP FOR YOU!
Using a bedtime pass can help minimize the requests. Think of it as a ticket system. They get one “pass” each night. Once they use it they hand it over to you and have no remaining requests for the night. But! If they don’t use it that night, they get to turn it in for something fun in the morning!
